on the move

A week ago I had a baby who was relatively stationary; with his only source of transportation being a painfully slow rolling maneuver. This had its benefits, since it made it possible for me to leave him unattended for small periods of time; allowing me to do things like change a load of laundry, microwave a Lean Cuisine or whip up a batch of meth in my bath tub.

On the same note, I was incredibly eager for him to start crawling. You see, I was kind of over having to carry him all over the place; carting a baby around on your hip is similar to toting around a 25 pound sack of potatoes, a sack of potatoes that wiggles and pulls your hair. I thought if he would just learn to crawl he could then follow me from room to room; comparable to having a lost puppy, without that mess involving him chewing on my shoes.

I grossly miscalculated. See: the power of free will.

He’s not so much interested in being my shadow as he is exploring every square inch of our apartment and making it obvious that I need to do a substantially better job at vacuuming.  Rinn tries on a daily basis to eat my slippers while they're still on my feet, why wouldn't he be interested in putting in his mouth the Pizzeria Combo that's been taking refuge under our couch since we moved in over two months ago?

until college

I make an effort to change Rinn’s diaper in the middle of the night. That's a lie. I make an effort to tell my husband to change Rinn’s diaper in the middle of the night.  He works second shift, so really it’s the only practical option.  I don’t do this because I suffer from that pesky mom guilt, I do this because of normal person guilt, the kind that comes with allowing someone to snooze away while soaking in their own piss.    

On a New Years Eve a number of years ago, I might have drank my own weight in moonshine and I might have maybe wet the bed. Not my proudest moment, but now I'm aware that it's not great waking up damp and stinking of urine; so I try not to let him experience that, at least not until college.

The wildest part, he will sleep straight through someone reaching into his crib and disrobing him in the middle of the night but he's up and howling if he hear's my toe clicking in or around his room.  Explanations welcome.